Aug 01, 2015


Self-Love 101: A Mujer Must Have Standards

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Self-Love Is Not A Phase

As Latinas, the second we hear someone say “I NEED,” many of us are ready to GIVE (sometimes) without even considering how it will affect us. This is due to many of us being raised as givers, caretakers, nurturers, etc. We tend to misinterpret self-love solely as self-serving because to be “una mujer” you must put caring for others and their priorities first.

Everything from overbearing family expectations, crazy requests from amigas, to neglecting your favorite hobby, to meet with or simply meet a romantic partner’s ego needs. Overall, you are burning the candle at both ends in your tiring attempt to be the “perfect woman” to everyone. Ladies, I challenge you to actually apply these tips to create a basic standard for self-love in your life.

Embrace the Power of Choice!

Sometimes we feel that if we don’t go with someone else’s flow, we will be extradited,  but I am here to tell you that it is ok to say No! Just be confident and decline politely. When you do say yes to an invitation you will be taken seriously. At this time, you just prefer not to attend or participate for your own personal reasons in whatever activity someone is bringing to the table. If this choice relates to something someone asks you to do for them that is over the top or just passes a healthy boundary for you,  just say: “sorry, that’s not going to work for me. But, I am sure you will figure it out.”  Hey, they are the one that suggested doing it, which means that they can handle it. They are just too lazy to do it themselves. And that is not your problem, so there is no need to feel guilty about it. Just move on. The people in your life need to learn to accept your personal decisions and you need to learn to let go of needing their approval.  Remember Chica, a woman has the right to choose.

Get Your OWN Life and Keep It!

Yes, that’s right Chica, your OWN life. Not your children’s lives, not your husband’s, not your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s, not your familia’s and not your roommate’s. Why do I say this? Because one day you will wake up and these people will have moved on with their own lives and interests. So please honor yourself by pursuing your interests and life’s passion. After all, you are responsible for your own happiness. Remember, when a woman is happy she wants everyone in her life to be happy (I would know I am a “happyholic”). Don’t be scared, this is simply life taking its proper course. Everyone should have an identity (even in a partnership and even una madre).

Put YOU On Your To Do List

This is the easiest way to get a life and keep it is to put YOU at the top of your list. Do you remember what the Flight Attendant tells us on the airplane in the event of an emergency? “Secure your own oxygen mask, before your child’s”. If you haven’t taken care of you, how can you care for anyone in your life? So be sure to wake up every morning being your first priority. Don’t worry, you are not neglecting anyone when you do this. You are simply preparing to give all the people you love the benefits of the best you.

Slow And Steady Wins The Race

If you start your day in a race you will hit the finish line of your day face first on the floor! To prevent this make sure to do at least one daily activity to ground your mind, body and spirit. This will clear your energy to help you connect with your intuition and prepare you to start your day at your best. Try a morning meditation and afterwards read the paper or maybe a new book while enjoying a cup of tea or fresh veggie juice. Maybe go for a short jog, walk (even with a friend) or take a local Zumba, Pilates, or Yoga class. Maybe today is the day you remove the clothes hanging on your treadmill or the day you dust off that gym membership you never use. If you can’t afford to pay for a class right now, then do some free videos on YouTube. Just be gentle with yourself and find your ritmo. This only has to be anywhere between 15 minutes to one hour per day. Just know that a little bit each day will go a long way.

Be Una Reina!

A queen gets beautiful because well…she’s got standards. Self care makes her feel good and a queen knows that’s how she deserves to feel. Everything from her (home) facial, mani-pedi, her time at the salon (or doing her hair herself) to her bubble baths is all about getting dressed up in self-love. There is nothing superficial about a queen’s beauty regimen. It is obvious that her motivation creates the glow that comes from the inside out. A queen does not wait for someone to lead her in life. She lives her own life and stays open to inspiring opportunities and invitations from good company. A queen inspires her friends, family, colleagues and romantic interests with her vibrant life-force.

Please know that the universe is picking up your self-love signal, so I suggest that you treat yourself the way you want to be treated. Be sure to teach others by only accepting treatment that is in alignment with your standards. So Chica, are you una reina?

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Lisa Velazquez

Lisa Velazquez

Lisa Velázquez, M.A. is the CEO of Wonder Womyn™ and the Creator of Lisa Talks Love™. She is best known as The Lovestyle Coach and the Latina Go-To expert on sex, dating and relationships. Lisa attended Teachers College, Columbia University for a Masters in Clinical Psychology, and is a Certified Sex Therapist, Sexuality Educator and Facilitator for Preventing Adolescent Pregnancy. With her straight talk about love and compassion for each woman's journey, Lisa teaches women to create “love standards” to get real, get clear and get ready for the love life they desire. Want Expert Love Advice? Subscribe to Love Wisdom Weekly and Ask Lisa Today!

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