Aug 04, 2015


PLEASURE Is NOT A Dirty Word: Empower Your Sexuality Mujer!

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A “Latina’s Place” In Sexuality

As Latinas, many of us learned about our “roles” in sexuality while we were helping our mamis, tias y abuelas cook dinner and tending to other domestic responsibilities. Many Latinas were taught that women’s roles in sexuality are solely for procreation, pleasing her (male sexual) partner (in which he directs you!) and (unconsciously) serving as a sex symbol for other men. Anything other than these three roles was deemed inappropriate behavior of “una mujercita.” Sexual initiation of any kind was only appropriate behavior for men in Latino culture.

When many Latinas think of pleasure we often think of how we can provide it for someone else. It tends to be all about meeting someone else’s needs and desires while making ours secondary (even non-existent). Some Latinas would say that giving pleasure to a partner or loved one in fact makes them feel good is a beautiful thing. However, it is when there is a fear of shame and guilt from receiving sexual pleasure that it can be thought of as a dirty word. Here are some tips to get over the sexual ideals of your familia y disfrutar pleasure with and from your lover.

A Lady in the Streets Can Do Anything She Wants Between the Sheets

Just because you’re a “good girl” in your everyday life doesn’t mean it’s wrong to be anything but “una Santa” in bed. Please know that what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom, is just that…private. It’s not your familia or community’s business regardless of what they tell you! You and your partner are consenting adults of sound mind and body, so what you both choose to do together is for your ears and eyes only.

Accept Your Self-Worth

If you feel that your sexual partner is worthy of receiving pleasure from you, then you need to clearly and wholeheartedly understand and accept that you deserve the same pleasure from your partner in return. If you are going to have sex, the entire point of the encounter is two people enjoying each other’s bodies with the capacity to connect on a soul level. So Chica, I implore you to relax and learn to receive.

Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Hormones

After you have taken sexual responsibility, it is time to forget what you heard and focus on what you’re feeling (physically feeling that is). Seriously, what do you want? How do you want to be touched? Do you want your partner to be aggressive or sensual (or both)? The sky is the limit (or the ceiling!) You might be thinking “Lisa, I don’t know” or “I am not sure what I want”. Well then, I recommend that you take your personal pleasure into your own hands. I highly suggest that you do this by masturbating and give yourself the freedom to fantasize. You might be thinking “Lisa, I don’t want to have sex alone”. Um hello, it’s your fantasy! You can invite whomever you want to pleasure you. But guess what, in reality if you’re not enjoying the sex with your actual partner then he is having sex alone. I mean you’re basically an awesome bilingual robot with curves.

More MExploration

Since, I am all about sensuality, I recommend that when you first masturbate that you go all natural and use your five digits to learn about your vagina, vulva, clitoris, g-spot and all your goodie nerves. This is all about discovering the pleasurable sensations that your private body parts are capable of with natural forms of touch. After all, we all know that real penises don’t vibrate, so the exploration must start with getting into you.

Once you’ve enjoyed tu vagina fabulosa and you want to explore some more, I suggest that you buy some sex toys online for privacy or go to your local Babeland (or any other sex toy shop). Be sure to go with a trustworthy sexually-open girlfriend and speak with the salesperson about the different sex toys for your needs. Trust me Chica, a couple of orgasms is all the confidence you’ll need to really start getting off with (and on) your partner.

When You’re Loving, Just Let It All Go

One of the best parts of embracing sexual pleasure is the opportunity to let go. We are always boggled down with worry and responsibility for our partners, children, career, family’s expectations, etc. Damn, can an hermana get a break! Remember Chicas, to unlock your bedroom bliss: accept that you are worthy, know that you are not dirty, love that you can be naughty. Si tu quieres…


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Lisa Velazquez

Lisa Velazquez

Lisa Velázquez, M.A. is the CEO of Wonder Womyn™ and the Creator of Lisa Talks Love™. She is best known as The Lovestyle Coach and the Latina Go-To expert on sex, dating and relationships. Lisa attended Teachers College, Columbia University for a Masters in Clinical Psychology, and is a Certified Sex Therapist, Sexuality Educator and Facilitator for Preventing Adolescent Pregnancy. With her straight talk about love and compassion for each woman's journey, Lisa teaches women to create “love standards” to get real, get clear and get ready for the love life they desire. Want Expert Love Advice? Subscribe to Love Wisdom Weekly and Ask Lisa Today!

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