Jul 30, 2014

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On the Couch with Christine: How To Be Free and Move On From A Traumatic Experience

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How Can I love myself enough to let myself be free and move on from a traumatic experience? 

Let me start off by saying you are an inspiration to us women at your hindsight.
My question, As a woman, when dealing with traumatic experiences and letting go of it, how can I not let those fears from childhood arise and come in between new experiences with males? I am sure running away is never the answer, but is fighting it any better? How can I love myself enough to let myself be free and move on?
This is all one question, I swear! lol
Thank you!
All the best,
Amy

Love the Person You’ve Become As A Result Of Your Past, Others Will Follow Suit

Dear Amy,

Thank you for that beautiful compliment. You, my dear are the reason I do this work. You inspire me.  Women like you, that dare to put themselves out there and ask what they most fear. So often, we hide in the darkness with shame and fear, scared that if we disrobe and got vulnerable we would be rejected. But you, you are different. You stripped yourself naked and got real. You dared to ask. Amy, first I must start by stating something that you might have forgotten- you are brave, you are courageous, and you so freaking lovable. So I know you said “running away is never the answer” but the funny thing is, you are doing anything but running away. It sounds like you are facing your deepest darkest fear head-on. So what you’re really talking about is your fear, not of running away, but of you not being good enough, being lovable enough. Your fear of “could someone possibly ever love me, with all my wounds- with all of my story, just as I am?”  Right? The answer is yes of course! And I want you to start re-writing your story. Your trauma is now your victory, your pain is now your purpose. Your wounds are now your wisdom. Honor them, they make you even more lovable and sexy and deep.

I am going to tell you a short story so you can understand even deeper. Imagine this scenario: You live in a world where birds can talk. A beautiful bird comes up to you with gorgeous colored feathers and a beautiful sounding voice, and is just the sweetest thing. Upon speaking to this bird, you notice it has a scar and on that spot it is missing its rainbow bright feathers. You ask the bird what happened and the bird responds, “I was hurt a long time ago. My owners didn’t love me very much. They said cruel things to me and my owner even burned me. That’s how I got this scar. It was scary, but thankfully I flew away.” You responded, “Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that, but you look so gorgeous and sound so beautiful. I would have never known if I didn’t see that burn. Where do you live now?” The bird responded “I live in a gorgeous home with the kindest family that is just the dearest. They love birds so much! I remember the day I got there, I was so scared; my feathers had fallen off from all the stress of the abuse, my voice was gone from all the crying, and this precious little boy found me in this condition.  He told me that even though I looked sad, he saw a spark in my eye. He promised he would love me and care for me until I grew all my feathers again, and until my voice was strong again. He did just that.” You, just like the bird, will find the perfect man and build the perfect family just for you. You will find someone who will love you just as you are, wounds and all.

So, to your question:  Love yourself. Love every inch yourself, every part of yourself.  Celebrate the lessons your trauma has shown you and stay open for someone to love you just as you are. You sound fabulous, if I do say so myself!

love+more love,

Christine

 

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Christine Gutierrez

Christine Gutierrez

Psychotherapist, Advice Columnist, Speaker, and Poet. Christine Gutierrez is the Founder of CosmicLife.com, an online hub that features psychologically savvy and soulful advice, articles, videos, private consultations, workshops, retreats (both live+virtual), radio appearances, and television projects. ”Ancient wisdom with a modern twist” is the motto. Known for breaking stigmas; Christine is taking therapy to the next level, fusing ancient wisdom with modern psychology.

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