The Path to Sexual Responsibility
So you are a modern Latina. You’re pursuing an education or a career or have already achieved your goals for success (y sigue adelante, hermana). You love your culture and give back to your community. And on top of that you are a woman that embraces her sexuality, yet sometimes you feel a little conflicted about it.
I applaud you for embracing your sexuality! This is a real step towards becoming sexually empowered. Although true sexual empowerment comes with responsibility, because sex does not “just happen”. What actually does happen is that many times Latinas (and many women in general) do not prepare responsibly for sex. We trust the man that we are involved with (and we just focus on being una mujer sexy), and leave the important details to him, because many of us were brought up to believe that it is improper for a woman to have knowledge about sex (i.e. use of condoms, experience, embracing pleasure). If we do, then we are viewed as behaving in a “slutacious” manner (como una puta).
Chica, if this is what you fear, then I implore you to stop listening to the standards of sexually repressed and/or sexist people, because it will never benefit you to have a traditional mindset when you’re going to engage in modern behavior. Take a step back and adjust your thought patterns and follow these four tips get you on the path to sexual responsibility.
Like anything else in life, if you fail to prepare than you simply prepare to fail. Ladies, what’s your (sexual health) status? Whether you’re in a committed relationship or dating someone casually, it is essential to update your sexual partner on your sexual health status and know his status or get tested (together) for STD’s (i.e. Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, HPV, HIV/AIDS, etc.). Explain to your partner that it is important for the both of you and tell him you want to get tested together. Remember, even though you may be in a committed relationship with him, he did have a sex life before he was with you, so continue to prepare by purchasing your own condoms. As I always say, “just because he’s clean cut doesn’t mean he’s clean”. So get the facts before you get freaky.
“Ok Lisa, so I bought the condoms, but I am not the one that has to wear the condom, so why do I have to learn how to put it on? Because he may not even know how to properly put on a condom! And just because he has to wear the condom, does not make it only his responsibility. If you are choosing to have sex, then you must learn the proper way to use condoms. Think of it this way: How many times have you bought clothing that you did not try on and then regretted it later? It’s not just about buying something and just hanging it in your closet. This is about preventing a wardrobe malfunction that could ruin your night and adversely affect your sexual health. The key is to make sure that it fits and is manageable to wear during a (hopefully long) fun-filled evening.
Say NO to sex with a partner who refuses to wear a condom. “Damn, Lisa all that work and I don’t get to PLAY! First of all this is not a game and the second someone thinks that it is funny, stupid or wrong to wear a condom, they have revealed that they don’t truly care about your well-being. So I suggest that you wake up now, rather than wake up tomorrow morning next to this guy wishing you had Plan B or some penicillin. Y tambien prepare to defend yourself against the judgmental excuses, such as: How do you know how to do that? Do you do this all the time? No mama, I don’t need to wear that, I am your man, what you don’t trust me? I want to be close to you, huh, are you seeing another guy? No, I don’t have to wear it, because I know when to “pull out”, baby, you know me, I didn’t get with any nasty chicks before we got together. After listening to all his scandalous excuses, stand your ground Chica! Just smile and say “Sorry Papi, “no glove, no love”.
Understand that loving yourself is not about making decisions based on blind desire. But in fact, loving yourself is about taking the time to get to truly learn what is best for your overall well-being and making choices that are in alignment with that. Ladies, please stop dating men who have no respect for your sexual values, because only then will the universe hear your request and send you real men that value real women.