In light of the recent scandals of infidelity by high profile figures, we pose the following question:
What should you expect if you’re dating a married man?
Any, or all of these, should answer that question:
Nothing. Women who date married men often believe that they’re entitled to more from these men because they’re going beyond moral ethics to show their love and commitment. Not so. In his eyes, he owes you nothing.
Lots of promises. Relationships laced with infidelity often get stuck in a waiting-until-he-does-this-or-that period. The relationship is prolonged by unfounded promises which, in reality, are illusions. Do you really believe he’s going to undo his marriage? — go through the social, familial, economic and emotional unraveling that a divorce can cause? Humm…
A Self-Absorved Guy: For most men, part of the enticement of being in a relationship outside their marriage, is experiencing the “I am King of the Land” feeling. Having another woman’s attention and perceived unconditional love is good medicine for a guy with a weak ego.
Lies and Made Up Stories: Ever wonder why most married men pursuing you have a sad story to share about their marriage? ”We haven’t had sex for the past 5 years…” ”I haven’t been in love with my wife in years…but she’s very ill…I can’t leave her now.” Pobrecito. If you hear a story like this one, run as far as you can.
Being #2: Regardless of what he tells you under the covers, when you’re la otra, you are number 2 (or maybe number 3!). Are you OK with being #2?
Lots of Tainted Gifts: Oh, the gifts…the jewelry, the wine bottles, the trips to expensive hotels, the shopping sprees. But before unwrapping your gifts, know that these are tainted with guilt, remorse and sometimes manipulation. Oh, and don’t forget the gifts come from his wife, too. As his legal wife, his finances are shared equally — so she’s paying 50% of the cost of that expensive perfume he gave you for Christmas.
What to do if you’re dating a married man?
Ask yourself “Why” – a simple question, with a big, complicated answer. Don’t know where to start? Talk to a trusted, wise friend, and educate yourself on issues of infidelity. If being in this type of relationship is emotionally consuming you, don’t hesitate to seek professional counseling to explore what’s going on.
Be Skeptical: Don’t believe or trust everything he says, promises or shows you.
Believe in yourself: Don’t you deserve better? More? Why settle by sharing a man? Why not have a man all to yourself?
Just Do It: These types of relationships have an addictive component, sprinkled with the thrill of secrecy. But if you’re tired of waiting, feeling stuck, or kept in the dark, you’ll need to just do it — empower yourself by ending the relationship — before you’re the one dropped like a shoe. It won’t be easy at first, but it will surely give you the power you’ve never had in this relationship.